Regain Control. Rebuild Intimacy. Recover Your Life.
Do you feel trapped in a cycle of porn use you can’t seem to break?
Have you tried to stop — only to find yourself going back again?
Is porn affecting your confidence, your relationships, or your ability to feel close to others?
You are not broken.
You are not alone.
And recovery is absolutely possible.
David Kavanagh has been helping individuals and couples overcome the impact of porn and sex addiction for over 20 years. He is a fully registered Systemic Family Therapist with specialist training in neurotherapy and addiction recovery, working with clients across Dublin and online throughout Ireland.
You don’t have a moral failure.
You have a brain that has learned an unhealthy pattern — and that pattern can be rewired.
The Real Problem Isn’t Porn — It’s the Brain Loop Behind It
Porn addiction is driven by dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical.
Over time, the brain becomes desensitised and needs stronger stimulation to feel the same effect. This leads to:
- Escalation into more extreme content
- Loss of control over use
- Emotional numbness
- Reduced sexual performance
- Anxiety, shame, and isolation
- Distance in relationships
Many men begin using porn in their teenage years, before the brain is fully developed. What starts as curiosity can gradually shape emotional regulation, intimacy, self-worth, and sexual expectations.
The good news?
The brain can change. Recovery is real.
Common Signs of Porn Addiction
You may be struggling if you recognise several of these:
- Needing more extreme content to feel aroused
- Repeated failed attempts to stop
- Hiding your behaviour from others
- Feeling guilt, shame, or anxiety afterwards
- Spending excessive time thinking about porn
- Reduced interest in real-life intimacy
- Impact on work, motivation, or relationships
- Irritability or restlessness when trying to stop
These are not signs of weakness.
They are signs your nervous system has been conditioned — and conditioning can be reversed.
Causes of porn addiction:
There are a number of reasons people get addicted to porn:
Visual stimulation – for 90% of men, images are a big source of stimulation, whereas women prefer interactive chat rooms (Source: Porn Addiction Destroys Relationships, Lives from the San Francisco Chronicle).
The need to relax, feel pleasure and escape – Many people struggle to find ways to switch off their brains and deal with stress so for a lot of men and women, watching porn is a quick and easy solution.
The Addictive aspects of porn – “The biggest problem is that there is a physiologically addictive nature to porn and all sexually addictive behaviour. People build up a tolerance to certain videos and need more and more stimulation to achieve the same high”. – Julian Redwood, therapist.
Julian Redwood adds that online porn is primarily about the ‘hunt’. People will search for hours on end to find that perfect clip that gives them that sought-after high. Unfortunately, this is often done at the expense of the addict’s family, partner, social, and professional life.
The 5 stages of porn addiction:
Gene McConnell and Keith Campbell, authors of ‘Toxic Porn’, describe the 5 stages of pornography addiction:
Early exposure: More often than not, addiction comes from watching porn at a young age, this is when it gets its foot in the door.
Addiction: Next comes addiction, it becomes an integral part of your daily life. You are hooked and you cannot quit it.
Escalation: You begin to look for more and more graphic porn, you begin to seek out porn that at the beginning would have disgusted you, now it excites you.
Desensitization: Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn’t excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can’t find it.
Acting out sexually: Eventually, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world and visit prostitutes.
“The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going” – Graeme Fife.
How can we help?
Like any addiction, recovery is a difficult process. But we are here to help! David Kavanagh is a registered Systemic family therapist based in Templeogue, Co. Dublin. He has 20 years of experience working with clients dealing with a range of issues. David has a keen interest in the impact of sex addiction in Irish Society and has been monitoring it for over ten years now.
David will show you how to reduce your stress, manage your emotions, and discover pleasure in other activities that don’t involve watching porn. David is also a specialist in working with couples. If you are in a relationship, gay or straight, that has been affected by porn, David will work with you both to help you recover from the impact of porn addiction.
How Porn Addiction Affects Relationships
How David Can Help
10 questions to help someone identify if they have a sex or porn addiction
In today’s digital age, access to pornography and sexual content is easier than ever before. While exploring one’s sexuality is a natural and healthy part of life, for some individuals, it can escalate into problematic behaviors indicative of porn or sex addiction. Recognizing the signs of addiction is the first step toward seeking help and reclaiming control over one’s life. Here are ten questions to help someone assess whether they may be struggling with porn or sex addiction:
1. Do you find yourself spending increasing amounts of time consuming pornography or engaging in sexual activities, to the point where it interferes with your daily responsibilities and relationships?
2. Have you made unsuccessful attempts to cut back or control your consumption of pornography or sexual behaviors, only to find yourself returning to them compulsively?
3. Do you experience feelings of guilt, shame, or remorse after engaging in pornography or sexual activities, yet find yourself unable to stop despite these negative emotions?
4. Have you noticed a tolerance to sexual stimuli, leading you to seek out more extreme or novel forms of pornography or sexual experiences to achieve the same level of arousal?
5. Do you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of pornography or sexual activities, constantly planning or fantasizing about your next encounter?
6. Have you experienced adverse consequences as a result of your pornography or sexual behaviors, such as relationship conflicts, legal issues, or negative impacts on your physical or mental health?
7. Do you use pornography or sexual activities as a coping mechanism to escape from stress, boredom, loneliness, or other unpleasant emotions?
8. Have you neglected important aspects of your life, such as work, school, or personal hygiene, in favor of engaging in pornography or sexual behaviors?
9. Do you experience withdrawal symptoms when attempting to abstain from pornography or sexual activities, such as irritability, anxiety, or depression?
10. Have your pornography or sexual behaviors caused distress or concern among your loved ones, friends, or healthcare professionals?
If you find yourself answering “yes” to several of these questions, it may indicate that you are struggling with a porn or sex addiction. It’s essential to remember that addiction is a complex and multifaceted issue, and seeking professional help is often necessary to address underlying psychological, emotional, and behavioral factors contributing to the addiction.
Recovery from porn or sex addiction is possible with the right support and resources. Therapy, support groups, and specialized treatment programs tailored to addressing sexual addiction can provide individuals with the tools and strategies they need to overcome their addiction and rebuild a healthy relationship with sexuality.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for recovery. Taking the first step toward acknowledging the problem and seeking help is a courageous act that can lead to profound transformation and healing.
Specialist Support for Partners
If your partner’s porn use has hurt you, confused you, or damaged trust — your experience matters.
David offers bespoke therapy for partners, helping you:
Process betrayal trauma
Restore emotional boundariesUnderstand addiction dynamics
Rebuild clarity and self-worth
📱 Text David confidentially on WhatsApp: 086 898 9086
What is Systemic Therapy?
Systemic Psychotherapy Benefits for Men Dealing with Pornography Addiction
Systemic psychotherapy, a family-oriented and holistic approach to therapy, can offer valuable benefits to men struggling with pornography addiction. This therapeutic model acknowledges the interconnectedness of individuals within their social and relational contexts, making it particularly effective in addressing the complexities of addiction. Here’s how systemic psychotherapy can be beneficial for men dealing with pornography addiction:
Understanding Triggers and Family Dynamics: Systemic psychotherapy delves into the family and relational dynamics that may contribute to addictive behaviors. By exploring family histories, roles, and communication patterns, men can gain insights into the root causes of their addiction. Understanding these triggers and relational dynamics is crucial for developing effective strategies to overcome the addiction.
Holistic Approach: Systemic therapy considers not only the individual but also their family, partner, or significant others affected by the addiction. This holistic perspective allows therapists to address how the addiction impacts the entire family system. It promotes open and honest communication, helping men and their loved ones navigate the challenges associated with pornography addiction together.
Communication Skills: Pornography addiction often strains relationships due to secrecy and shame. Systemic psychotherapy focuses on enhancing communication skills within the family, encouraging open dialogues about the addiction. This improved communication can foster empathy and understanding among family members, leading to a more supportive environment for the individual in recovery.
Family Healing and Support: Addiction affects not only the individual but their entire family. Systemic psychotherapy facilitates the healing process for the family, offering support and resources to help them understand and cope with the addiction’s impact. A united family approach can create a more stable and supportive environment for the man in recovery.
Identifying Enabling Behaviors: Systemic therapy can help uncover enabling behaviors within the family system. These behaviors may inadvertently support the addiction by shielding the individual from the consequences of their actions. By identifying and addressing enabling behaviors, men can take responsibility for their addiction and work toward recovery more effectively.
Relapse Prevention: Systemic psychotherapy equips men with relapse prevention strategies that consider the broader family context. It helps individuals recognize potential triggers, identify support systems within their family, and develop coping mechanisms to avoid relapse. This comprehensive approach strengthens their ability to maintain long-term recovery.
In summary, systemic psychotherapy offers a comprehensive and family-centered approach to addressing pornography addiction in men. By considering the individual within the context of their family and relationships, this therapeutic approach helps men understand the underlying dynamics contributing to their addiction, improve communication, and build a supportive network. These benefits make systemic psychotherapy a valuable tool in the journey to recovery from pornography addiction, ultimately fostering healthier relationships and emotional well-being for all involved.
Why Systemic Therapy Works for Porn Addiction
Unlike approaches that only focus on behaviour, Systemic Psychotherapy looks at the full picture:
- Your emotional world
- Your relationships
- Your upbringing
- Your stress patterns
- Your attachment style
- Your environment
This approach allows for:
- Deep understanding of triggers
- Healing relationship patterns
- Stronger communication
- Family and couple repair
- Long-term sustainable recovery
Addiction does not exist in isolation.
Healing shouldn’t either.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
Many people delay getting help for years because of shame.
But the people who recover are not the strongest —
they are the ones who take the first step.
You can change this.
You can regain control.
You can reconnect with yourself and those you love.
Mindfulness
Restore balance in your life with mindfulness.
David has carefully designed an online course which is the first step in your recovery. If possible order it today.
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