What is porn addiction?
Do you struggle to control the amount of porn that you watch?
Have you tried to stop, but just can’t?
Have you stopped socialising as much as you used to because you prefer to watch porn?
Maybe the type of porn you watch has changed over the years and this worries you.
Now is the time to get the help that you need. David Kavanagh has been helping men affected by porn for over twenty years. He is a fully registered systemic therapist with a speciality in neurotherapy. David will teach you how to regain control of your brain and end your relationship with porn for good.
You think you have a problem with porn, when really you have a problem with dopamine, the feel-good chemical that drives all compulsive behaviour. Men develop a bad relationship with porn when they are teenagers, when they can’t understand the damage it does to self-esteem, sexual performance and emotional intimacy. Porn addiction recovery will show you how to love again, how to be close to those around you, and show you how to regulate your emotions appropriately.
Some men and women watch porn to improve their sex-lives. Ironically watching porn has the opposite effect on sex. Porn gives us very mechanical views of the sexual act that remove the concepts of care, concern and compassion from the art of love making. Porn teaches men to be demanding. Porn teaches men to make unrealistic suggestions to their partners, or to physically hurt their partners rather than pleasure or be kind to them.
How do I know if I am a porn addict?
1. Escalation: One of the common indicators of potential pornography addiction is the phenomenon of escalation. This involves a person needing to consume increasingly explicit or hardcore material to achieve the same level of arousal. Over time, individuals may find that what once satisfied them no longer does, leading to a search for more extreme content.
This escalation can be a sign that the individual is developing a tolerance to the material, similar to the way tolerance develops in substance use. As a result, individuals may find themselves spending more time seeking out novel and intense content, which can contribute to the cycle of addiction.
2. Loss of Control: Difficulty in controlling the amount of time spent on pornography despite attempts to cut back is another potential symptom of addiction. Individuals may have the intention to limit their consumption but find it challenging to follow through. This loss of control can lead to increased secrecy and shame, further exacerbating the negative impact on mental health.
3. Distress or Impairment: A key criterion for any addiction is the experience of distress or impairment due to the behavior. Individuals struggling with pornography addiction may feel anxious, depressed, or experience impairment in daily functioning as a result of their consumption. This distress can extend beyond the act of watching pornography itself and affect various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and overall well-being.
4. Neglect of Responsibilities: Pornography addiction can interfere with responsibilities such as work, academics, or social obligations. Individuals may find themselves neglecting important tasks in favor of consuming pornography, leading to a decline in performance and potential negative consequences in various areas of life.
5. Interference with Relationships: One of the most significant potential consequences of pornography addiction is its impact on relationships. Individuals may experience difficulties in communication and intimacy with their partners, leading to conflicts and relationship breakdowns. Trust issues can arise as a result of secrecy and withdrawal from emotional connection.
6. Failed Attempts to Quit or Cut Back: Persistent efforts to quit or cut back on pornography consumption without success can be a clear sign of addiction. Individuals may recognize the negative consequences of their behavior and make repeated attempts to change, but the addictive nature of pornography can make it challenging to break the cycle.
7. Preoccupation with Pornography: Excessive preoccupation with pornography, including spending a significant amount of time thinking about, seeking, or planning for its consumption, is another potential symptom of addiction. This preoccupation can lead to a narrowing of interests and a diminished focus on other important aspects of life.
8. Continued Use Despite Negative Consequences: Continuing to use pornography despite experiencing negative consequences is a hallmark of addiction. These consequences may include relationship problems, legal issues, or health concerns. The persistent engagement in the behavior despite knowing the potential harm can be a strong indicator of addiction.
9. Impact on Sexual Functioning: Pornography addiction can have a profound impact on sexual functioning. Individuals may experience difficulties in intimate relationships, such as erectile dysfunction or a diminished interest in real-life sexual encounters. This can further contribute to the cycle of addiction as individuals may turn to pornography as a substitute for real-world intimacy.
10. Withdrawal Symptoms: Experiencing emotional or physical discomfort when attempting to reduce or stop pornography use is a classic sign of addiction. Withdrawal symptoms may include irritability, anxiety, restlessness, or a strong craving for the behavior. These symptoms can make it difficult for individuals to break free from the addictive cycle.
Causes of porn addiction:
There are a number of reasons people get addicted to porn:
Visual stimulation – for 90% of men, images are a big source of stimulation, whereas women prefer interactive chat rooms (Source: Porn Addiction Destroys Relationships, Lives from the San Francisco Chronicle).
The need to relax, feel pleasure and escape – Many people struggle to find ways to switch off their brains and deal with stress so for a lot of men and women, watching porn is a quick and easy solution.
The Addictive aspects of porn – “The biggest problem is that there is a physiologically addictive nature to porn and all sexually addictive behaviour. People build up a tolerance to certain videos and need more and more stimulation to achieve the same high”. – Julian Redwood, therapist.
Julian Redwood adds that online porn is primarily about the ‘hunt’. People will search for hours on end to find that perfect clip that gives them that sought-after high. Unfortunately, this is often done at the expense of the addict’s family, partner, social, and professional life.
The 5 stages of porn addiction:
Gene McConnell and Keith Campbell, authors of ‘Toxic Porn’, describe the 5 stages of pornography addiction:
Early exposure: More often than not, addiction comes from watching porn at a young age, this is when it gets its foot in the door.
Addiction: Next comes addiction, it becomes an integral part of your daily life. You are hooked and you cannot quit it.
Escalation: You begin to look for more and more graphic porn, you begin to seek out porn that at the beginning would have disgusted you, now it excites you.
Desensitization: Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn’t excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can’t find it.
Acting out sexually: Eventually, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world and visit prostitutes.
“The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going” – Graeme Fife.
How can we help?
Like any addiction, recovery is a difficult process. But we are here to help! David Kavanagh is a registered Systemic family therapist based in Templeogue, Co. Dublin. He has 20 years of experience working with clients dealing with a range of issues. David has a keen interest in the impact of sex addiction in Irish Society and has been monitoring it for over ten years now.
David will show you how to reduce your stress, manage your emotions, and discover pleasure in other activities that don’t involve watching porn. David is also a specialist in working with couples. If you are in a relationship, gay or straight, that has been affected by porn, David will work with you both to help you recover from the impact of porn addiction.
How does porn addiction affect relationships?
Porn addiction can profoundly impact relationships in various detrimental ways. Firstly, it can lead to a breakdown in intimacy and emotional connection between partners. When one person in a relationship is addicted to porn, they may prioritize their consumption of sexual content over engaging in physical intimacy or meaningful communication with their partner. This can create feelings of neglect, rejection, and inadequacy in the neglected partner, leading to resentment and a sense of emotional distance.
Additionally, porn addiction can distort one’s perception of sexuality and unrealistic expectations about sex. Constant exposure to idealized and often scripted sexual scenarios can result in dissatisfaction with real-life sexual experiences and partners. This dissatisfaction can further erode trust and intimacy within the relationship, as the addicted individual may seek to fulfill their unrealistic fantasies outside the relationship or pressure their partner to mimic behaviors seen in pornography. Overall, porn addiction can contribute to feelings of betrayal, insecurity, and isolation within the relationship, ultimately undermining its foundation and stability.
10 questions to help someone identify if they have a sex or porn addiction
In today’s digital age, access to pornography and sexual content is easier than ever before. While exploring one’s sexuality is a natural and healthy part of life, for some individuals, it can escalate into problematic behaviors indicative of porn or sex addiction. Recognizing the signs of addiction is the first step toward seeking help and reclaiming control over one’s life. Here are ten questions to help someone assess whether they may be struggling with porn or sex addiction:
1. Do you find yourself spending increasing amounts of time consuming pornography or engaging in sexual activities, to the point where it interferes with your daily responsibilities and relationships?
2. Have you made unsuccessful attempts to cut back or control your consumption of pornography or sexual behaviors, only to find yourself returning to them compulsively?
3. Do you experience feelings of guilt, shame, or remorse after engaging in pornography or sexual activities, yet find yourself unable to stop despite these negative emotions?
4. Have you noticed a tolerance to sexual stimuli, leading you to seek out more extreme or novel forms of pornography or sexual experiences to achieve the same level of arousal?
5. Do you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of pornography or sexual activities, constantly planning or fantasizing about your next encounter?
6. Have you experienced adverse consequences as a result of your pornography or sexual behaviors, such as relationship conflicts, legal issues, or negative impacts on your physical or mental health?
7. Do you use pornography or sexual activities as a coping mechanism to escape from stress, boredom, loneliness, or other unpleasant emotions?
8. Have you neglected important aspects of your life, such as work, school, or personal hygiene, in favor of engaging in pornography or sexual behaviors?
9. Do you experience withdrawal symptoms when attempting to abstain from pornography or sexual activities, such as irritability, anxiety, or depression?
10. Have your pornography or sexual behaviors caused distress or concern among your loved ones, friends, or healthcare professionals?
If you find yourself answering “yes” to several of these questions, it may indicate that you are struggling with a porn or sex addiction. It’s essential to remember that addiction is a complex and multifaceted issue, and seeking professional help is often necessary to address underlying psychological, emotional, and behavioral factors contributing to the addiction.
Recovery from porn or sex addiction is possible with the right support and resources. Therapy, support groups, and specialized treatment programs tailored to addressing sexual addiction can provide individuals with the tools and strategies they need to overcome their addiction and rebuild a healthy relationship with sexuality.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for recovery. Taking the first step toward acknowledging the problem and seeking help is a courageous act that can lead to profound transformation and healing.
David offers a bespoke therapy service for partners. Text him on Whatsapp at 0868989086 for more information.
What is Systemic Therapy?
Systemic Psychotherapy Benefits for Men Dealing with Pornography Addiction
Systemic psychotherapy, a family-oriented and holistic approach to therapy, can offer valuable benefits to men struggling with pornography addiction. This therapeutic model acknowledges the interconnectedness of individuals within their social and relational contexts, making it particularly effective in addressing the complexities of addiction. Here’s how systemic psychotherapy can be beneficial for men dealing with pornography addiction:
Understanding Triggers and Family Dynamics: Systemic psychotherapy delves into the family and relational dynamics that may contribute to addictive behaviors. By exploring family histories, roles, and communication patterns, men can gain insights into the root causes of their addiction. Understanding these triggers and relational dynamics is crucial for developing effective strategies to overcome the addiction.
Holistic Approach: Systemic therapy considers not only the individual but also their family, partner, or significant others affected by the addiction. This holistic perspective allows therapists to address how the addiction impacts the entire family system. It promotes open and honest communication, helping men and their loved ones navigate the challenges associated with pornography addiction together.
Communication Skills: Pornography addiction often strains relationships due to secrecy and shame. Systemic psychotherapy focuses on enhancing communication skills within the family, encouraging open dialogues about the addiction. This improved communication can foster empathy and understanding among family members, leading to a more supportive environment for the individual in recovery.
Identifying Enabling Behaviors: Systemic therapy can help uncover enabling behaviors within the family system. These behaviors may inadvertently support the addiction by shielding the individual from the consequences of their actions. By identifying and addressing enabling behaviors, men can take responsibility for their addiction and work toward recovery more effectively.
Family Healing and Support: Addiction affects not only the individual but their entire family. Systemic psychotherapy facilitates the healing process for the family, offering support and resources to help them understand and cope with the addiction’s impact. A united family approach can create a more stable and supportive environment for the man in recovery.
Relapse Prevention: Systemic psychotherapy equips men with relapse prevention strategies that consider the broader family context. It helps individuals recognize potential triggers, identify support systems within their family, and develop coping mechanisms to avoid relapse. This comprehensive approach strengthens their ability to maintain long-term recovery.
In summary, systemic psychotherapy offers a comprehensive and family-centered approach to addressing pornography addiction in men. By considering the individual within the context of their family and relationships, this therapeutic approach helps men understand the underlying dynamics contributing to their addiction, improve communication, and build a supportive network. These benefits make systemic psychotherapy a valuable tool in the journey to recovery from pornography addiction, ultimately fostering healthier relationships and emotional well-being for all involved.
What is Neuropsychotherapy?
Neuropsychotherapy is a form of therapy that focuses on the functioning of the human brain. It also looks at the combination of mind, body, and the environment on a person’s well-being, with a focus on neuroscientific research.
To book a session with David please email him using the contact us form on this website.
About Us - Porn Addiction Therapy
David Kavanagh has been monitoring the impact of porn addiction in Irish society for over twenty years now. David is a Systemic Family Therapist with over 25 years of experience working with clients dealing with a range of issues.
David believes that we are only beginning to understand the true extent of porn addiction thanks to new brain research that shows us how our brain chemistry is being rewired through our porn and sex addictions. David is very clear that with the right treatment, addicts can recover and go on to live normal lives once more.
David holds a BA.Th degree in theology and history from Maynooth University. He obtained a higher diploma in pastoral ministry from Maynooth University. David trained as a systemic family therapist in Clanwilliam Institute. He has worked with thousands of couples preparing them for marriage and dealing with marriages in crisis.
David regularly appears on the radio as a commentator and contributes to national newspapers and magazines.
Porn Addiction Therapies
Couple Therapy
The Healing Begins’ service specialises in Couples Therapy. Couples are affected in very deep ways by sex addiction or porn addiction. These addictions cross boundaries of trust and intimacy in ways that other addictions may not.
The cause of many addictions is shame. If an addict is being treated but their partner has not received any care or support, the addict may be misunderstood which then contributes to the cycle of shame.
A key factor in these addictions is the damage it does to the couple’s sexual intimacy. Often there are significant wounds in a couple’s sexual dynamic that needs to be repaired.
Some partners may feel unloved, unwanted, ashamed and afraid, and rejected as a result of their partners acting out. Without proper support, partners may be left in distress.
Society often thinks that the porn addict must have a very high sex drive. This is rarely the case. Many addicts find it difficult or in some cases impossible to feel desire for their partners as they are so confused and ashamed of their behavior. Naturally, this just reinforces the rejection the partner feels.
Group Therapy
To secure a place on our group therapy program which will run for 5 weeks, in a central Dublin venue, totally confidentially, please make a payment to us through PayPal of €120 Euro. This covers the full cost of the 5 sessions.
After 5 weeks the group will have the option to assess the work and contract for another 5-week program if needs be. Details of the group will only be disclosed once payment has been made.
If the time does not suit a full refund will be given. However, refunds are not given for missed sessions. The group will meet at 7.30 pm one day per week for one hour. It will have a maximum of 8 participants. For more information please call us on 01 498 2242.
Sexual dysfunction affects thousands of couples. Our treatment program will address the root causes of these issues and offer effective treatments to couples affected by these problems.
Couple Therapy
The Healing Begins’ service specialises in Couples Therapy. Couples are affected in very deep ways by sex addiction or porn addiction. These addictions cross boundaries of trust and intimacy in ways that other addictions may not.
The cause of many addictions is shame. If an addict is being treated but their partner has not received any care or support, the addict may be misunderstood which then contributes to the cycle of shame.
A key factor in these addictions is the damage it does to the couple’s sexual intimacy. Often there are significant wounds in a couple’s sexual dynamic that needs to be repaired.
Some partners may feel unloved, unwanted, ashamed and afraid, and rejected as a result of their partners acting out. Without proper support, partners may be left in distress.
Society often thinks that the porn addict must have a very high sex drive. This is rarely the case. Many addicts find it difficult or in some cases impossible to feel desire for their partners as they are so confused and ashamed of their behavior. Naturally, this just reinforces the rejection the partner feels.
David offers a bespoke therapy service for partners. Text him on Whatsapp at 0868989086 for more information.
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Testimonials
Jason
Dublin
"My life was out of control. I was spending up to 8 hours a day watching porn at the weekend. Recently that changed to contacting Escorts and making fake bookings. Then it all came crashing down around me when my wife checked my phone. David is now working with us both to figure out if there is a way we can save our marriage. Without his help I probably would not be here."
Karl
Galway
"I thought it was normal to go to prostitutes because I am single. I also thought it was normal to masturbate 4 times a day. I went to David for therapy because some part of me was not happy with the way I was living my life. After a few sessions I came to realise that I am actually a sex addict. I am now in treatment, doing good, and while every day is a struggle, I still feel that there is hope for me. I don't want to be single, I am tired of being alone. I feel more positive now than I have done for years."
Claire
Cork
"Women can't be sex addicts or addicted to porn, or so I thought. But there I was using dating apps to fill the void in my life. Meeting men and having casual sex seemed harmless until it wasn't. I always felt empty afterwards. I read online that casual sex is not that good for us, so I went to see David about it. He helped me to realise that I was addicted to dopamine and all the other chemicals flooding my brain. I like his approach. He is warm and friendly and understands me. He never judges me even when I have a slip up. I value his support a lot."
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David offers a bespoke therapy service for partners. Text him on Whatsapp at 0868989086 for more information.
David has appeared regularly on the following media:
